I blinked and my baby was 5

The days are long, but the years are short…they weren’t kidding.

I have been listening to Caleb and Kelsey’s cover of “Slow Down” on repeat lately. Somehow I blinked and my baby turned 5 years old. Why does kindergarten feel like highschool graduation?

I feel like I have been in robot mode for the past 5 years with the kids and their ages. It literally feels like a blur. I won’t lie to you, I am exhausted, more times than not.The saying the years are long but the years are short, its completely true. I can’t tell you how many times I am so tired and just waiting for bedtime to come so my house could be quiet and peaceful. It’s not until I put all my kids to bed, walk downstairs and then immediately start missing them and the noise.

change is hard

Last week I had one of the hardest weeks I have had in a very long time. I actually took some time to reflect on why it felt so bad and overwhelming and here is what I came up with. Change.

Change is so hard.

If you or your family is anything like me you can relate in saying that a transitions are hard. To me, it feels like each time I have a grasp on my children’s current stages, some type of developmental leap happens or change comes. I have never done well with change and transitions have become something I literally fear and loathe in parenting. I have such a hard time grasping the idea of living in the moment and feeling like I am embracing each stage when the stages seem to fly right by.

 

my first born

Penelope Carol will be going to Kindergarten this year. My first baby. I honestly can not believe it and I am actually feeling quite shocked at how hard I am taking it.

Alex and I got pregnant with Penelope a few months after my mom died. When we found out she was a little girl, I felt like she was a gift from heaven and a small piece of my mother. She healed my broken heart and gave me a new purpose in life. I have such a serious bond with her that literally takes my breath away. The fact that she is 5 years old now (June 2019) It really has made me sit back and reflect on what a beautiful little girl she has become. I could not be more proud of the caring, compassionate and outgoing little love bug she truly is.

 

new adventure awaits

A week ago we had Kindergarten assessment day. It was such a special and magical day filled with so much wonder and excitement. I absolutely loved watching her thrive in a new environment and engage with new children she has never met before. She wasn’t even shy! She simply walked right into the classroom and met the teachers and other kids. We spent the entire day together after her assessment, shopping and getting ready for school together. She was thriving, while my heart was breaking. Now why would that be? It wasn’t rationale, but it’s how I felt.

This transition has hit me harder than most with our kids. I think it’s the mixture of her going to kindergarten and me realizing I am done having babies. Whatever they experience for the first time will be the last time and that hits my heart.

 

Embracing the changes…even if they are hard

I wish I could slow time down and keep her the sweet innocent little girl she is, but at the same time I can not wait to see what she learns in Kindergarten. I know she is growing into the person she is meant to be but it doesn’t make it any easier seeing them grow up. We had three children so close in age to one another that it literally feels like we are going through huge milestones one after another. It almost feels as if they are all flying out of the house all at the same time. I know this isnt the most rationale thought but it is the challenge when you have three kids

I am so proud of my Penelope Carol and can not wait to see her light up on the first day of school. If you are in the same position as me, and your children are transitioning out of the house or preschool into regular school I am literally sending you a big hug. Last week I spent so much time letting all of those emotions out and today I wanted to share them with you, just incase someone out there is feeling the same pull, the same ache, and the same sadness with change. This mama completely understands and I am with you.

 

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